The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge
lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.

Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one
of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much
time was remaining before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so
busy gallivanting around the room making sure that nobody cheated and that
everyone was aware of how much time they had left before their failure on the
test was complete, he had the students stack the completed tests on the huge
podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember there
were 1000 students in the class.

Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent
grade to pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly
when rushed, and this guy standing in the front of the room barking out how
much time was left before the tests had to be handed in didn't help him at all.
He figured he wanted to assure himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched
when the professor said "pencils down and submit your scantron sheets and work
to piles at the front of the room".

Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into forty ... almost an
hour after the test was "officially over", our friend finally put down his
pencil, gathered up his work, and headed to the front of the hall to submit his
final. The whole time, the professor sat at the front of the room, strangely
waiting for the student to complete his exam.

"What do you think you're doing?" the professor asked as the student stood in
front of him about to put down his exam on one of the neatly stacked piles of
exams (the professor had plenty of time to stack the mountain of papers while
he waited) It was clear that the professor had waited only to give the student
a hard time.

"Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently. "I'm afraid I have some
bad news for you," the professor gloated, "Your exam is an hour late. You've
FAILED it and, consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat my course."

The student smiled slyly and asked the professor "Do you know who I am?"

"What?" replied the professor gruffly, annoyed that the student showed no sign
of emotion.

The student rephrased the question mockingly, "Do you know what my name is?"

"NO", snarled the professor.

The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said slowly, "I didn't
think so", as he lifted up one of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly
into the center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his test in the
middle, turned around, and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.

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Kris of Anywhere But Here hosts Carnival of the Recipes #26.

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And I'm the last to know ::sob::

Well, at least Ace is on the job. He's even posted a roundup of reactions from the right side of the blogiverse.

Confession: I, too, "harbor an intense and unhealthy fascination with Gillian Anderson", but I have yet to be "forcibly removed from the gates of her home", probably because I had the common sense to camp out by the back gate. Get with it, guys.

And here's a little Gillian eye candy for you below the fold: more...

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I swear to God, if I saw someone toss a baby out the window of their fucking car, I'd kill them myself. And for any crapweasels out there who think we should try and understand the mindset that made the couple do this, well, keep it to yourself. If you post a comment here in that vein I will subscribe you to every twisted and perverted and bestiality/necrophilia newsgroups and websites in existence.

I almost puked when I read this story about someone tossing live kittens out the window of a moving car. My response back then pales in comparison to what I'm feeling now.

Update: Thank goodness. The story is apparently a hoax; the woman who reported the incident is actually the baby's mother. Sure, she's a dirtbag, but at least she didn't toss the baby from a moving car. Maybe she IS going straight to Hell, but I won't be leading the charge to put her on the express. Thanks to CalTechGirl for reporting the update.

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Somehow I'm not a finalist

So there's an annual BeerDrinker of the Year contest? And I didn't get nominated? It's a national outrage! As Ace(ridiculing Sullivan) would say: gob smackingly vile. Anyhoo, the nominees are worthy in their own, limited right. They just don't have the one qualification needed to make this award legit: they're not me. Excerpt:

An avid homebrewer, Pelon's beer drinking philosophy is "Live to Drink, Drink for Life." He credits a beer-rich diet with helping him reduce a once unhealthy triglycerides level by 85%. He feels that people should diet and exercise "solely to extend your beer drinking lifetime." Pelon spent $5,054.51 at his local beer store last year, prompting the store's owner to ask an employee, "Does Fred own a restaurant?"

Ciccateri's beer drinking philosophy of "Beer is my guiding light" has led him to "a richer and more enjoyable life." It has also led him to extensive travels around the globe in pursuit of the world's best beers. Ciccateri has tried over 2500 beers in 30 countries, he has visited 321 of the planet's breweries, and attended 95 beer festivals. "And I'm still on my original liver," Ciccateri says.

Pedretti-Allen has been an award-winning homebrewer since 1989 and a certified beer judge since 1997. He has been a prolific organizer of pub crawls, beer dinners, homebrew competitions and beer festivals. His honeymoon with his wife, Valerie, was a two-week pub crawl of the United Kingdom's best pubs. He owns 7,000 beer coasters.

Amateurs.

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A new reality show, Chimpy McBusHitler Abu Ghraib It's All About Oil Kill The Middle Eastern Brown Men, will be appearing at a London warehouse near you.

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This column mentions different tools that you can use to fix Windows XP. Funny thing, though: hammers are not mentioned. Must have been an oversight.

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I'm well on my way to that PhD

Looks like ACC history is now a college course. Excerpt:

In a state obsessed with ACC basketball — and for a teacher who claims to have attended about 400 league games — the mere existence of such a class is as sweet as a J.J. Redick jump shot.

"It's almost like it's a part of your childhood that you never lose," Lawing said. "You grow up with this intense rooting interest as a child, and you follow it through to adulthood. And it's a way you kind of connect with your childhood."

"It's a part of your whole life, and you never really outgrow it," he added. "And to some extent, you don't want to outgrow it because you can always be a kid when you go to a basketball game and scream."

For Lawing, who has taught at Forsyth Tech for about 20 years, the course offers a break from his Western civilization classes. This eight-week class is strictly for fun and doesn't have an official title. And unlike Jim Harrick Jr.'s infamous class at Georgia a few years ago, where students were asked on the final exam how many points a 3-point shot is worth, this is a noncredit course designed as a community service program.

The 23 enrolled students need attend only six of the eight classes — "or be a Wake Forest fan," Lawing says — to earn a satisfactory grade.

Could have been worse, I suppose. He might have required his students to like UNC.

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1 Forsyth Tech is a community college in Winston-Salem, no wonder you get credit for being a Wake fan

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 10, 2005 07:45 PM (bwprt)

2 Since it's in Winston Salem, he should have required them to eat Krispy Kreme donuts every day.

Posted by: physics geek at February 11, 2005 01:56 PM (Xvrs7)

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Especially if she's an unbalanced harpy

Is my WTF?! reaction an appropriate one to this story, or am I going a bit overboard? Just curious. Excerpt:

A British woman was sentenced to two and a half years in jail Thursday for ripping off her ex-lover's testicle with her bare hands during a drunken brawl after he refused her sex.

Because there's nothing that says "Do me baby!" like getting your 'nads ripped off.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:29 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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So some halfwit used his crayons to express his BusHitler theme with a little more artistic expression than usual. Yawn. Not be too sanguine about such things, but I've come to expect nothing more these days. When Guiliani was mayor of New York, there were scores of posters morphing his image to that of Hitler(Adolph Guiliani), or showing the mayor with sporty Swastikas adorning his clothes. Still, I give the asshat in this story some kudos here: I don't believe any of the items I just mentioned received an "A" as a school project.

And still, I have family members question why I'm so deadset against sending my children to public school. Enter the above as evidence for the defense, item #1,478,251.

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Peasant's Quest: The Movie. Thanks?! to Brian for the link.

I needed a good laugh today.

Update: I was wrong; THIS is the sign.

Update: Wizbang now has links to Playboy's images of Deborah "don't call me Debbie" Gibson.

Confession time: I like her music; I own her first 3 albums. And I remember her as a cute, perky 16 year old. The idea of potentially seeing her naked has me a little queasy, even though I know she's in her 30's now. And I'm a little perplexed as to why she would actually pose nude. Not that I'm against attractive women in various states of undress. Far from it. It's just, well, why? Some celebrities have used posing for Playboy as some rite of passage thing. "Look ma, no clothes!" Others have used a photo spread(no snide comments, Harvey) to reinvigorate their flagging careers. "Look at my new boobs! They'll look even better on the big screen!"

But Debborah Gibson? C'mon. She had a fair amount of success at a young age, and by all accounts didn't piss her money away on drugs and booze like so many other singers do. Then she changed her career path from teen pop sensation to that of Broadway performer. I have no idea if she can act, but she does possess a pretty fair voice. Anyway, here is what's bugging me: she's got money, she had great success in one career and has become reasonably successful at her latest gig. So why appear in Playboy? Maybe she thinks that shedding her wholesome image might make the public think differently about her. Anyway, color me confused.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 07:12 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Margi Lowry has hit the little 4-0. I'm allowed to say that because I'm looking at 40 in the rearview mirror already. Stop by and wish her well. Or buy her booze; she'd like that, I think.

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You decide

Found this link via Trying To Grok.

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Interesting little calculator. Even starting at my age, I'd end up with a tidy sum by the age of 65. Best of all, if something untoward should happen to me, this money would go to my heirs, which is something that is NOT true about Social Security. Just an FYI.

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Where to begin? I'm not sute; so much gloating, so little time. Let's recap:

1) UNC ranked #2, Duke #6/#8

2) UNC favored?! at Cameron Indoor Stadium

3) UNC leads the nation in scoring at 92+ ppg

4) Duke fields only 8 scholarship players due to injuries and early defections

Of course DUKE WINS!!!!

Is that a Domino's Pizza Delivery guy I see?

Why no, I do not believe that I should allow you this shot. Please refrain from any more pitiful attempts.

I warned you. Since you cannot restrain yourself, I shall remove the ball from your possession.

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The Tar Heels invade Cameron Indoor Stadium tonight. Carolina has a lot more talent than Duke this year, so it won't be a shock if the 'Heels manage to win. However, should Duke prevail, you can expect a lot of gloating tomorrow. If the Blue Devils lose, I will talk about the episode of Lost.

This rivalry is one of the best in all of sports. It's probably surpassed only by the Yankees-Red Sox feud, which makes the Hatfields and McCoys look like best friends by comparison. The teams are geographically close, they're both usually good and they frigging hate each other with a passion. Expect a tremendous game.

Update: BOOYAH!!!!

::gloating to follow::

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:27 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Heh. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. However, you should remember that in recent times (Doherty years excluded) Carolina has won more often in Cameron than than in the Dean Dome vs Dook. The only other rivalry that's close in college is USC vs Notre Dame in football. BTW I'm already wearing my Carolina Blue! Go Heels! ;-)

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 09, 2005 10:42 PM (bwprt)

2 Michigan (ack pthewwy) and The Ohio State University is my favorite rivalry thank you.

Posted by: Mythilt at February 10, 2005 03:42 AM (ekGuH)

3 :-) :-> :-P GO DEVILS!

Posted by: physics geek at February 10, 2005 04:28 AM (lFYIM)

4 Yeah, well, if Ray Felton hadn't been a clock idiot it might have gone the other way. Dang good game, though. Can't wait for March.

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 10, 2005 04:47 AM (bwprt)

5 I suspect that UNC will exact some revenge when the two teams meet in Chapel Hill. There's also a possibility that these two teams will meet at least one more time after that. A fourth meeting would have, of course, national implications. March Madness is right around the corner. Yippee!

Posted by: physics geek at February 10, 2005 01:30 PM (Xvrs7)

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How about "Idiocy And a Bottle"?

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I heard about this case on Fox Sports Radio this morning. Un-freaking-believable.

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After all, Earth In The Balance got published

Via Dean and Tim Blair comes the story of some SciFi and Fantasy writers sticking their collective fingers into the eyes of a certain publisher.

How bad is the writing? Observe:

Bruce didn't care about treatments. He cared about pain, and he cared about that voice, because when he heard the voice, the pain went away, just for a few seconds, like.

"Report to me if there is any change," the man's voice said.

"Yes, Dr. Nance," said the sexy voice.

A door closed, and Bruce heard breathing, and smelled the enticing smell of shampoo, and perfume. It was Chanel Number 5.``

He opened his eyes.

All he saw was the roundest, firmest pair of tittles he'd ever seen in his life, all enclosed in a crisp white nurse's uniform.

I'm in heaven, he said. No, he tried to say, but his voice wouldn't work, his mouth was dry, and there was some terrible tube thing in his nose— and hey, what's that thing in his dick? It hurts!

The tits bounced like Aunt Alice's molded jello back at home, and then moved away. Oh. She was just straightening the covers on the bed.

Bed.

Bruce realized he laid in a bed, his left arm being strapped down, with something sticking an up-a tube—on the top of his hand.

Mheh. If you want to read the whole awful thing, you can download it here.

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Iowahawk has been on the rampage lately. This is no exception.

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